Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
