Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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