apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
