I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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