I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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