Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
