It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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