Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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