your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
