He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
