the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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