Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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