Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
