My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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