I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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