in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
