her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
