I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my being single is dangerous.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
