Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
