Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
