im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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