Just fell off a train. Bad.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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