i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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