Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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