They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
