so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
