I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
