she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
