The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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