if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
