Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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