i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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