It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
