This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
