if you like me you must not know who I am
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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