put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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