told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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