i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
