saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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