If i come over, it means nothing
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
