i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
