I could make wine with my vomit
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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