drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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