I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
