He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
