you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
