there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
