Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
