zippers are such a cool invention
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
