Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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