Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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