theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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